got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
