Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
