i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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