I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
