I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
