Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
