Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
