U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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