Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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