i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
4 words: hood of his car
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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