I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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