i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
