Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
