This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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