The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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