I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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