Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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