she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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