He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Sext me about skeletons
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
