You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
