Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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