yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
