ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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