this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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