we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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