Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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