You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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