My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
