If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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