I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
