you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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