if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
