listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
it glows. i had to have it.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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