Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
