1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
they're like a gay fantastic four
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Randomize
