Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
