So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I have demons in me.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Randomize
