I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
