tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
