Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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