I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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