a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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