sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
