the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
