Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I think I am morally bankrupt
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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