were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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