This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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