my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
