i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
