I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
