What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i love accidental penises.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
